「What cruel existence is this.....」
US President, 1977-1980. Age as of 1980: 56.
Currently serving his tenure as Maid of Office.
Extraneous growths (ears and tail; equus asinus) were developed during his years as a Naval officer, following reports of an accident while servicing a nuclear reactor. Details of the event have been classified.
US President, 1980-Present. Age as of 1980: 69 (allegedly).
Not a vampire (allegedly).