"Quimby seems like just a thinly-veiled version of Senator Kennedy. And I like that." -Lenny DIAMOND JOE DECLARES HAPPY HOUR IN AMERICA! SPRINGFIELD - My fellow Americans and bribable election officials— I, Joseph Fitzpatrick Fitzgerald Fitzhenry Quimby have decided to run for the Presidency of the United States of America. "I will be a President for all Americans, from the poorest small town mayor to the richest small town mayor." This is not a decision I have made lightly. First I consulted my wife, and then, my wife's sister. I later "consulted" the nanny, the nanny's sister, several cocktail waitresses, Miss Springfield, Miss Teen Springfield (who is 18), and screen actress Sally Kirkland. I believe that my tenure as Mayor of Springfield, one of America's largest medium-to-small sized towns, has prepared me for such awesome Presidential responsibilities as meeting victorious Super Bowl teams, supervising the White House intern pool, and flying around in Air Force One — or as I shall be calling it, Air Force Fun. I am also considering referring to it as the Duff Partyplane. If I'm elected, politics will no longer be the domain of the fat cats, power-brokers, Atari Democrats, Coleco Republicans, and man-eating Republicats. I will be a president for all Americans, from the poorest small town mayor to the richest small town mayor. I stand before you today full of hope, courage and Drambuie. With your help, Joe Quimby will cure the national hangover, and usher in Happy Hour in America! Thank you and God bless www.Quimby2000.com! Trademark & Copyright Notice: TM and © FOX and its related entities. All rights reserved. Use of this Web site assumes acceptance of the Terms Of Use. Privacy Policy