Quimby 2000

"Quimby seems like just a thinly-veiled version of Senator Kennedy. And I like that."

-Lenny

JOE QUIMBY - BIO

1625 - Family patriarch Onus Quimby flees Britain to escape religious intolerance and his wife.

1626 - H.M.S. Gin Blossom arrives in Palm Beach Florida. Missionary Joshua Quimby converts the local tribe of Indians into bartenders.

1803 - The Quimbys are run out of Florida when their "fountain of youth" is revealed to be a fountain of water.

1825 - Great-Great-Great-Grandfather Cyrus opens a small influence stand in Springfield. By 1900 the Quimbys are the biggest influence peddlers in the air-breathing states.

1920 - Prohibition causes Joe Quimby Sr.'s illegal liquor business to thrive. He expands his bathtub gin operation to include sink vodka, toilet scotch, and bidet bourbon.

1950 - On February 9, Joe Jr. "Joe-Joe" is born, his father's first legitimate child. Joe Sr. also has children with Agnes Moorehead and, later, with all of his son's nannies.

1961 - Joe Quimby Sr. mysteriously disappears. His body is found a decade later, marooned in a sand trap in the back nine.

1967 - A touch football injury keeps Joe Jr. out of Vietnam.

1968 - Joe Jr. enrolls in Springfield University and majors in fraternity studies.

1969 - During his sophomore year, Joe Quimby leads a student sit-in to protest the university's ban on goldfish swallowing.

1978 - Joe Quimby reluctantly graduates from college, after his father threatens to take away his girlfriend.

1980 - Joe marries his college sweetheart during an eighteen week bender. During this time he also marries three other women from the same sorority.

1985 - Joe announces his candidacy for mayor. He is nicknamed "Diamond Joe" because he owns many diamonds.

1986 - Joe wins the Springfield mayoral race. Corpses, dogs, and Chicago outfit vote in record numbers.

1986-present - Joe Quimby presides over Springfield during the greatest period of peace, prosperity and massive corruption the town has ever known.